The Dating Rules
by deadheart115
Summary: "So we've been dating for a week, and we've never really kissed yet." That was what my arrogant boyfriend said to me that day. When the couple go out on their first date to get the "perfect kiss", things don't turn out as expected. Four shot to Charley.
1. PART ONE

_A/N: This one-shot is dedicated to my very best friend and twin, _**xocharleyfletcherxo**_, on her very special birthday. I love ya', Charles, and this really doesn't beat the birthday video-which I still watch over and over again, by the way-but I still hope you enjoy this. :) Thanks for all the convos, and for hearing me vent out about my problems, and for telling me about...(ahem.....you-know-who....ahem...) :P lools, and you make the best damn videos in this world that coordinates perfectly with your best damn stories. And I hope that one day, instead of a lousy story like this, I'll be able to get you Rob, Sterling, _and_ the "Duke" guy (:P) for your birthday. Until then, have a very safe and happy birthday. _

_God bless, _

_- Renny

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"**The Dating Rules"**

-PART ONE-

You may be wondering what I, Sonny Monroe, might be doing in a closet with a red-haired Chad Dylan Cooper, covered in squirrel pee, wearing only one shoe with a hole in it, his shirt practically torn away into shreds, his fingers slightly burnt, covered with band aids, half of his pants cut off, with a bit of pink smoothie spilled on it, and his eyes blinking every few seconds to get rid of the onion stench that caught in his eyes. I suppose I shouldn't be talking; I wasn't in a better condition. My hair was a tangled mess with a streak of purple colouring running through it, my pretty little sunflower dress was also shredded, I'd lost an earring, I'd lost _both_ of my shoes, and I wasn't blinking away onion stench, but I was blinking and _waving_ away the skunk stench that had gotten sprayed all over me. So no, I wasn't in a much better condition. To think, we both would be pretty mad about it, right? But no, we're actually doing something you never thought we'd do after the day we just had. I, Sonny Monroe, looking like I was, was kissing Chad Dylan Cooper in this janitor's closet, looking like he was.

Confused?

You should be. Let me start from the beginning...

- –

"So we've been dating for a week, and we've never really kissed yet." That was what my arrogant boyfriend said to me in the cafeteria that day. He had that coy smile on his face, and I could smell the whiff of cologne he put on before coming to work today. As hard as he tries to hide it, I knew all he wanted to do was impress me.

I snorted, and then reached across to pat his hand gently. "I know."

This, apparently, wasn't a good enough answer for Chad, because a second later, he started to pout. Normally, I would find this cute, but today, I was really stressed out about our latest sketch, and I just can't take his pouting right now. All I wanted was for him to leave me alone (not forever, but...well...you know, for now).

"Well?"

I sighed and asked wearily, "Well what, Chad?"

"Well what are we gonna do about it?" Was he always this annoying? Or was it just me?

"_I_ am going to work on my sketch...I don't know what _you're_ going to do." I quirked an eyebrow at him, hoping he'd get the message. I just wasn't in the mood today. Too much work; too little time.

Chad huffed, and crossed his arms indignantly. "Sonny..._honey_...all couples start out slowly. They start getting to know each other in the first three days of their relationship. They get comfortable on the fourth day, and they go on a real date on the fifth day-which we have-then they just sort of hang around until they get more comfortable. This goes on for day six and seven. By day eight, they start getting ready for the kiss; so they start hinting to their partner they want to kiss. By day nine, the partner should get it. This, of course, is already the second week. By day ten, that's when they should kiss. We are a day late, Sonny. We're on day eleven, or day four of week two."

I laughed at his crazy theory, but then stopped when I realized he was serious. "Chad," I said, smiling at him, "We're not like other couples."

"'Ain't that right," he muttered, making a sound a mix between snorting and scoffing. "Sometimes I just worry about you, Sonny. It's like you've never even heard of the Dating Rules."

I quirked my eyebrow again. "Excuse me? The Dating Rules?"

Chad straightened up in his seat from where he was slouching, and his eyes bugged out. "Are. You. Kidding. Me. You've never heard of the Dating Rules?" I wanted to say there was no such thing, but that look he was giving me told me otherwise. So I just decided to play along, and shook my head. "Well. No wonder. Or else we would've kissed by now."

"So...what are the 'Dating Rules'?" I made air quotes around the words, but tried my best to sound as genuinely interested as possible.

"The Dating Rules are rules a couple has to follow for their relationship to work out," he explained, "There are the obvious ones...like, never cheating on your partner, of course. Never break up by text, email, or get a friend to do the breaking up for you. Break up in person. If possible, don't break up at all-"

"Are they all about breaking up?" I interrupted.

"Most are but-"

"Well, should I be scared you're trying to tell me something here, Chad?" I joked.

I thought he would tease back and say a witty comment like usual, but he just looked at me with a straight look on his face that would've been just too serious for someone on the set of a comedy show. "It _could_ happen to us, you know."

And after that, I just let him explain more about this "Dating Rules" of his without interrupting him, and joking about things that _could_ happen someday again. Finally, after hours of listening to him babble on and on about things I really didn't care about (at this moment) I finally caved in and said that, yes, we should kiss.

"It's not that simple, Sonny," was his reply to my suggesting we should just kiss right then and there. "See, the rules say when a couple kisses..."

I tried my best to stifle a groan as he went on about the "proper technique" of the "perfect kiss". My eyelids kept drooping from time to time as he droned on and on about how you're _supposed_ to kiss with a person that you've just started going out with.

"Chad," I interrupted again, more weary this time. "Alright. We'll do it your way. I'll follow through with anything you want on how we should kiss, just _please_ leave me alone now. Okay?"

This seemed to finally satisfy him (thank _God_) as he nodded brightly, and with a click of his tongue, he pranced out of the cafeteria, _finally_ leaving me alone to do my work. But he came back only to say: "I'll pick you up tomorrow at seven. Wear something fancy, alright, love?"

To this, I glared at the blonde star and gritted my teeth. "Go. Away."

I think it was my glaring that finally got him to leave (for good this time) and for me to finally do my work and finish it. Or maybe it was because he was done talking. Either way, I finished my work, and that's all that mattered. Now onto the more interesting subject of this story....our "romantic and perfect" dinner date. And you'll see why I've decided to quote it in quotation marks.

- -

"And Marshall said it would be our best show ever!" I continued, gushing on and on about the sketch I finally got done, and how Marshall loved it.

Chad smirked and nodded with an amused look on his face, but he didn't say anything.

"And then-what?" I frowned when I saw his face, and demanded to know what was so funny.

"Nothing, nothing..." he replied, then wave his hand in a "continue" motion. "Carry on, love."

I rolled my eyes and gave _him_ a look. "I saw that look. Why were you holding back a smile? You don't think my sketch is good?"

"No!" he answered immediately, now looking a little panicked. "I-I mean...yes, I do. Wait, that's not right. No I don't think that your sketch isn't good; yes, I do think it's good."

"Then why were you smiling?"

"Because Marshall says it'll be your best sketch for _every_ sketch you guys come up with," he said pointedly, and then chuckled. "Which I actually understand now. I have to admit, you chuckleheads are getting better with each show, so I guess every new sketch is the best one."

"Nice save," I teased. Turning my head and poking it out the window, I realized we were heading towards the shops, where mostly everybody goes to on a Friday. "Chad, why are we going to the busiest place in Hollywood at this time for our date?"

"Sonny, Sonny, relax. I have it all figured out."

"But aren't we going to be smothered with fans and paparazzi?"

"Don't you worry your little pretty-and annoying-head..." he muttered that annoying part, by the way, but I still heard it, and gave him a look, before he continued, "I've planned everything perfectly. Now you just relax and enjoy our date."

"Alright..." I said hesitantly after he gave me a look that meant he expected an answer. "You're the guy."

I got a smirk as an answer as we continued down the road until finally stopping at a fancy restaurant called...well, it was too fancy to pronounce. So I decided to call it _Fancy_. Chad parked the car in the restaurant's parking lot (well, where else would he park it?) and led me out of the car. For once, I didn't complain about the restaurant being too expensive or anything because I was in shock myself. I mean, this restaurant was _huge_. It had pretty much everything. Plus, I was really hungry from the drive here, and I could already smell the fancy food from all the way out here. So I just clamped my mouth shut, and walked in awe inside the restaurant.

Even the receptionist person was fancy. He had a fancy moustache. Now, you may be thinking, what's so fancy about a moustache? Well, it just was. It matches the whole theme of the restaurant; which was...fancy.

"Good evening, sir, and Madame," he greeted us, speaking with a hint of accent that I can't really place. It was a mix of Australian, Italian, British, African, Jamaican, and Indian...well, basically all the accents you could think of, and he's got it. Don't ask how that's possible. It just is. Maybe it's a new kind of accent all together. I started thinking of names that would be used to name this new accent...Morainian-wait, that's not right. It can't be something out of the blue. It has to actually _relate_ to the country. Well, maybe we could take a bit of each country to make...Ausitatishfricjamindian. There. Before long, my inner accent babble got me thinking of a new sketch idea, with someone who has an Ausitatishfricjamindian accent. The person could be new to the country, and-

"Sonny?" Chad was in front of my face, snapping his fingers. I looked around the room, and realized we were in a private room that was fairly dark; with only two candles lighting the room in the center of the table. How did we get here?

A waiter with a long ponytail came in the room with those fancy trays and smiled warmly at us. "What would you like to order?"

"O-Oh. Sorry." I grabbed the menu, and read off whatever I could find. I'm not a very picky eater, so I didn't really care what I ate. "Er...this one..." I pointed to a picture that looked appetizing, since the rest of the menu was in French and I didn't really speak French.

"Good choice," he said, smiling kindly, and then exiting the room with a little bow.

Chad chuckled once the waiter left. "You were staring at the man for five minutes not saying anything." He then quirked his eyebrows at me and turned serious."Should I be worried you'd leave me for him?"

I rolled my eyes and took a sip of my drink...whatever it was. "No. I wasn't staring _at_ him. I was staring into space."

"Thinking about something?" I nodded, and he asked, "What?"

I laughed and decided to tell him my new sketch idea. And when Chad asked what kind of accent the character would have, I decided to make him think it was a real accent. "Ausitatishfricjamindian."

"What?"

I put on my most serious face yet and tried to hold in my laughter. "Do I need to repeat it again? Ausitatishfricjamindian."

"What kind of accent is _that_?" Chad pulled the most ridiculous face ever and I really had to grip the edges of my chair to keep from laughing.

"I can't believe you've never heard of that! Didn't you see the Guinness World Records? It was the most unusual accent in the world."

"What country is it from?"

Shoot. I didn't think this one through. So I pretended to think really hard on this; squinting my eyes and tilting my head in a thoughtful pose. "I don't know...I forget. But it's some country near Madagascar or something. I can't believe you've never heard of that accent."

Chad, now, started to think. This is good, because it means he actually believes it. "No, never. Is it really in the Guinness World Records?"

"Yes!" And to make it more convincing, I added, "I'll show you when we get home."

He seemed satisfied enough with this, because he nodded and went back to drinking his drink and eating the small appetizers that had been laid out for us. "So have you ever heard the accent?"

"Yeah," I said, and then jerked my thumb to the door. "The receptionist guy had it."

Chad's eyes widened and he made an "o" shape with his mouth as if this perfectly made sense. "Ohh...well that would explain why I couldn't figure out what his accent was. I thought he was French. But apparently, it was Au-er..."

"Ausitatishfricjamindian." I mentally patted myself on the back for keeping it up this long and remembering all that.

"Yes. I'm going to ask him what country he's from, so we'll know what accent that is." And before I can stop him, Chad began talking to the receptionist outside about a fake accent that never really exists. I got up from my seat to hear him.

"So what country are you from?"

"Cuba." Wow. I was way off.

Chad frowned and furrowed his brows. "Then why do you have an Ausitatishfricjamindian accent?"

"E-Excuse me?" The man suddenly frowned, and he started to get pretty red too. "What did you just say to me, punk?"

Chad's eyes widened and he started to back away. "N-Nothing! I was just talking about your accent."

"What about it?"

"Why do you have an Ausitatishfricjaminidian accent if you're from Cuba?"

"Are you _trying_ to insult me in whatever stupid language that is?" The man took off his suit, and only then did I realize how buff and big he was compared to Chad, who was cowering back and whimpering like an idiot. Oops...

"Heh heh...guys!" I quickly shoved myself between Chad and the buff dude. "Look, I'm sorry sir. He wasn't insulting anyone, really. Let me just take my boyfriend and-"

"Wait! I just wanted to know more about the Ausitatishfricjamindian accent you have!" Chad protested, and pushed me gently aside.

"Stop saying that! You think you're funny do you?"

"N-No..." Chad stammered, backing away again.

"Whatever you're saying, you think it's funny? Are you trying to make a point that people from Cuba speak like that? 'Cause I don't find that funny at all."

"N-Neither do I."

"Guys, stop it!" I squeaked.

The big man paused for a minute and stared at me. Then at Chad. "Because you have a nice girlfriend, I'll let you go. For now. But if you come back here ever again, and say those meaningless stuff again, I will have you pummelled. Understand?"

"Yes..." Chad answered, and then made his way to the door. I thought he was finally going to let it go, but at the last minute, he turned around and said, "So...that's not an Ausitatishfricjaminidian accent?"

The man roared at Chad and lunged towards him. But Chad was faster. He pulled my hand, and together we sprinted towards the car. He fell once on the sidewalk, tripping over a branch, but got right back up again. One of his shoes was ripped though; his big toe sticking out. He got frustrated, trying to walk with one ripped shoe, so he threw the ripped shoe out, and ran with one shoe the rest of the way. Nevertheless, he made it to the car just fine. Chad zoomed off the parking lot just in time to see the buff dude shaking his fist at us like an old lady.

"There is no such accent," He said, giving me a glare, "is there?"

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_A/N: I know I should be working on other stories-not starting a new one. But this isn't going to be that long...I think. Lols, I just wanted to dedicate a whole story to Charley for her birthday. So well, enjoy. _

_And if any of you actually hears an Ausitatishfricjaminidian accent, pleaaase feel free to tell me. :D_


	2. PART TWO

_A/N: To Charley. I modelled Chad in this chapter after my bro :P But he might remind you of Caleb too? Lols…

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"**The Dating Rules"**

-PART TWO-

"Careful, Sonny-CAREFUL!!" Chad jerked his hand back and whimpered at the alcoholic contact. He was being such a baby.

I rolled my eyes. "Chad. The longer you resist, the longer you'll get used to the touch. Now, give me your hand." The damn boy actually had the sense to hesitate and give me a suspicious look. What did he think I was going to do with his hand? "Chad!"

"Okay!" he said, giving me his hand as he winced at the tone of my voice. I tried again for about the tenth time to put the last band aid on his cut. He had more on his hands and head, even though he didn't even hurt his head when he fell. And just when he was about to jerk his hand again, I was prepared this time. I used my free hand to grab his wrist tightly and hold it there until I finally succeeded in putting the band aid on his hand. Chad let out a girlish yelp, and then slapped his other hand on his mouth, and tried to hide it with a cough.

"There. Finally." The band aid was on, and we can finally get out of here. Chad insisted we drive to the hospital to get a band aid, because he had scraped his hand when he tripped over the branch. Apparently, a cut on the hand is _very_ serious matter to him. It was a life or death kind of thing. Feel free to roll your eyes.

The problem with Chad and band aids is that he hates the alcohol in the band aid, and the feeling of it when it first comes in contact with your cut. Which would explain why we've been here for about half an hour.

I tugged Chad's arm towards the exit. "Can we please go now?"

"No!" Chad gave me a horrified look as if I was a mutated alien from someplace. "It wasn't only my arm, Sonny. Look." He rolled up his pants and showed me….nothing.

"What are you showing me?"

"My cut! Look! It's right there." He pointed to a spot on his knee, but I couldn't see anything. I squinted, and moved closer to see, but there was still nothing there. But I pretended to see it anyways so we could get out of this damned place and just go home.

"Yes, I see it now, Chad," I said, fighting the urge to roll my eyes, "But we're out of band aids. So let's go."

I tried to tug on his pants and roll it back down, but he stopped me. "It's a _hospital_, Sonny. They're never out of band aids."

"Well, can we get some somewhere else?" Again, I tried pulling his pants down. But he just pulled it back up. "Like, your house?" I tried to tug at it again.

"No, that's too far," he answered stubbornly, "By then the cut will be infected already." Chad rolled his pants back up. I pushed it down; he rolled it up…and so on. It turned into a little tug-o-war over Chad's pants.

"Chad…let. Go." My voice had taken a dangerously dark toll as I struggled harder to roll his pants down.

"You-ugh-let. Go." He glared at me, and rolled his pants up again.

How stupid we must've looked to other people.

Especially, when we heard a ripping sound, and I was suddenly flung backwards and onto the floor. When I got up, I was holding a fabric piece of Chad's pants, and was staring at a flabbergasted-looking Chad.

"My pants!" he cried, then shot me a deadly accusing glare.

I smiled sheepishly at him, as I tried my best to stifle a giggle at his appearance. Only one of his pants was longer than the other. It seemed really weird to see him like this. I couldn't help but let out a little giggle, which, of course, only made him furious. He harrumphed at me, jumped down from the hospital bed, and stalked his way to the car; fuming. I think I could see the smoke coming out of his ears as he did.

I gulped, and hurried to catch up with him, since he was my ride home.

"Look, Chad, I'm sorry-" I started, once we were in the car.

"You _ripped_ my pants," was all he said.

"In my defence, you were being really childish. I mean, there wasn't any cut on your knee, Chad. You didn't need a band aid!"

"How do you know what I need and don't need?" He spat at me, increasing his speed on the driveway. I think a lot of people speed when they get mad, though I have no idea why. So really, all those tickets shouldn't be for speeding, it should be for getting mad. "This is all your fault."

"You're the one who wanted to go to the hospital!" I protested, "How is it _my_ fault?"

"I went to the hospital because _apparently_, an Ausitatishfricjamindian accent doesn't exist! _Well_, how could I have not known that? I mean, isn't it a _very_ popular accent? Oh yes, yes it is….in your MIND." Sarcasm practically oozed from his lips.

"Well, you're the one who wanted to go on this stupid date in the first place!" The minute the words left my mouth, I regretted them.

He stopped the car somewhere on the side of the street and whipped around to face me; his eyes blazing red. "Oh, so it's stupid now? Well, fine. Then maybe we should just go home and forget about the stupid date, and the stupid kiss, and while we're at it….why don't we just forget about our STUPID relationship as well?"

"Chad…" I said softly, preparing to do damage control.

"Enough, Sonny," he snapped, turning the car on the road again. I winced at the iciness in his voice, and cursed myself for blurting out something I didn't even mean. "I don't want to hear anymore."

Knowing Chad, it would be wiser to keep your mouth shut when he's that mad. So I just sighed and stared out the window for the rest of the ride.

Besides, we'd be home soon enough. And it was that exact thought that caused the whole car to just…splutter. The machine started growling, and Chad was forced to park the car to the side of this long road. He hit the steering wheel in anger when he realized the car wouldn't go any further.

"ARGH!" I have no idea how to describe the noise he made, but I think he cursed a few times as he got out of the car and marched to the hood. Smoke immediately rose up, and I could see him coughing and trying to wave the smoke away. He examined the hood for a while, slammed it shut, and went back to the driver's seat. Judging from his expression, the car was stuck.

"How is it?" I asked cautiously, afraid he would start snapping at me again. But this time, he only scowled and looked away. I nodded, and made an "ah" sound. "I see."

After another few minutes of sitting in silence, he finally turned to look at me. He had this ridiculous pout on his face, and his teeth were gritted together. "I…forgot…to…" Chad swallowed, and spat out his next words, "…get gas."

"Well, well…" I couldn't help the smugness that came creeping up my voice. I opened my mouth to make a sarcastic remark about this, but he held up his finger.

The murderous glare on his face was enough to silence me. "Don't. Say. Anything."

I held up my hands in a defensive stance. "Wasn't going to."

He rolled his eyes, and got out of the car. I followed, since there was nothing we could do here. Chad got out his cell phone and tried calling a few people. No reception. I looked around us, and realized we were in the middle of nowhere.

There were farms in front of us, and behind us. The gravel road we'd been travelling on was surrounded by trees. One way, the way we came from, led us back to that fancy restaurant. The other way, the way we were travelling to, led us to…well, _somewhere_. And behind the farms were fields and fields of wheat and other farming food. I saw some cows grazing the grass on my right, and horses to my left. It stank.

"We're in a rural area," I declared to Chad.

He raised his eyebrows at me and gave me a look that said I was stupid. "_No_. I haven't noticed. What gave you that idea? The farm? The farm animals? Or the fact that I can't get any reception on my phone because it says 'Rural Area. No connection.'?"

"Alright, alright. I was just stating the obvious."

"Why? Is that gonna help us somehow? Is that gonna get us home?"

I rolled my eyes, and bit off a sarcastic response. We had enough sarcasm coming from him already, and his sour mood was enough for the both of us as well. No need to add to it. Besides, it wasn't going to get us anywhere. And I _did_ rip his pants…

I started walking off to the direction we were heading to. I felt a tug on my arm, and I looked up to see Chad's piercing blue eyes boring into mine. "_Where_ are you going?"

"I don't know," I answered, wincing at his sharp tone, "I just wanted to walk around."

He stared at me with a face hard as rock, before letting go. "Fine. Whatever." Then he went back to trying to fix whatever problem was under the hood. I hesitated now, wondering if I should help him, stay in the car, or continue with my first plan and look around. I could feel the strong vibe of Chad's anger radiating off of him, which is not good. So I spun on my heel, and started walking as fast as I could to get away from him, but tried my best not to run.

I wandered around the area to see if there was anything that could help us out of our situation. There was a cute, small path to my right. I knew better than to trespass on private property, but the little hiking trail was just too intriguing to pass up. I looked around to see if there was any sign that says I shouldn't be on private property. But I found none, so I figured this would be a good excuse if I got caught.

Casually, I made my way on the path, swinging my arms and breathing in the farm air that reminded me so much of home. There were bushes of different flowers to my right, and another wide field of crops to my left. The path, I could see now, wasn't all that small. In fact, it was a really long path, and on the horizon, I could see a dot that outlined the farm house.

As the wind blew through my hair, I started to relax, and all of my tensions after the fight with Chad, momentarily forgotten. That is, until I heard the sound of a loud, vicious dog barking from the field. I looked to my left, and saw a little figure, with its head bobbing up and down. My eyes widened and my heart skipped a beat, as I started to turn back. Despite the saying you should never run when a dog or any other animal starts chasing you, my instincts took over, and I flew across the bushes as fast as I could in my black flats. Eventually, the flats had only slowed me down because I kept on tripping, so I took them off-threw them somewhere on the grass-and ran barefoot the rest of the way.

The pretty sunflower dress I was wearing had to be tied up a bit to increase my speed. I droned out the dog's barking, until it was only a small yap. But since I was too engulfed in dodging the dog, I didn't exactly look where I was going, and fell into a rosebush. If you've never fallen into a rosebush, I don't suggest you do it anytime soon. The thorns pricked me so hard; I could actually feel them _inside_ my skin. The ripping sound was so loud, I thought it was my skin, before I realized that it was actually my sunflower dress; all tattered up and shredded.

I removed the curtain of hair draped in front of my face, and tried to smooth out my hair as best as possible, and cover up the teared dress. But of course, it wasn't that easy. Oh well, I might as well give Chad the satisfaction of seeing me like this. Maybe he'll forgive me for ripping his pants.

But when I returned to the car, Chad was in no better mood than when I left him-actually, he might be in an even worse mood than before. He was covered in car grease; his shirt ripped into shreds, and was sweating all over. But, even if I was mad at him (or annoyed) I couldn't help but see how incredibly hot he looked. I mentally slapped myself for thinking such thoughts, because it was obvious he was still mad at me, and wasn't thinking _those_ kinds of thoughts about _me_.

I sniffed the air as I neared him and smelled something absolutely repulsive.

"What-" I started, wrinkling my nose, then realized the smell was just too strong to bear, and plucked it instead. "-is that…_ugh_?"

He glared at me, and started dabbing tissues all over him. "I'd rather not talk about it," he said curtly, through gritted teeth. Then he actually stared at me, and his eyes moved down to my dress. His face softened slightly, and I could see a spark of amusement in his eyes. "What happened to you?"

"I'd rather not talk about it," I mimicked, bringing the frown to his face again, and that cold icy glare. His face turned rigid into stone again, and he shrugged, while throwing away the tissue aimlessly.

"Fine." And he stepped into the car and started it. I expected it to blow up again, but it seemed to be running smoothly now. When I still stood in front of the car, not moving, he raised his eyebrows and gave me a "Are you stupid?" look. Jerking his head to the passenger seat, he motioned for me to get in.

A few seconds later, we were driving down the road again and heading home. It was a nice drive this time-except for the silence-and we made no other pit stops as we carried home.

That is, until…I needed to go to the washroom really badly.


	3. PART THREE

_A/N: To Charley. Is your favourite colour still purple? It better be…lols. I forgot for a moment there, and then I was like, oh it doesn't matter. And just put it in the story anyways…kay. Moving on…

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"**The Dating Rules"**

-PART THREE-

Don't ask. Just…don't. The hair salon was the first store we saw, and I just couldn't hold it in any longer. I ran out of the car before it even fully stopped, and burst through the store saying I needed to use their bathroom.

The weird middle aged bald guy (who happened to be the owner), came stomping up to me saying that washrooms are for customer only. So fine. I used the washroom, and told him I needed a short and quick haircut. Apparently, he doesn't really know what "short and quick" means because it took him over fifteen minutes to wash my hair. He didn't even cut it yet.

This, of course, was too long for Chad. He came bursting through the doors just as the bald guy-whose name was Tony-was wrapping a towel over my wet hair. He spotted me the second he entered, and his face turned red with rage. I could practically see the veins popping up in his forehead, and he opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by Tony's assistant, Peeves.

The woman marched up to Chad, as if she sensed there was going to be trouble, and slapped his cheek softly. "Hello, fine sir!" she bellowed (yes, bellowed-she has a deep voice for a woman). "Sit down next to his lady, and tell me what kind of style you'd like today."

"Actually, this _lady_ is my girlfriend," Chad said, glaring at me again as he was forced into the seat beside me. "And I was just telling her to hurry up."

"Oh, no," Peeves said, shaking her head. "That's a bad idea. Never rush Tony. _Never_."

Chad gave her a questioning look, and rolled his eyes. "Okay. Well, here's a tip for _you_. Never get Chad Dylan Cooper angry. _Never_." Peeves raised her eyebrows at him, and I nodded my head in agreement. It was true. Never get him angry. Look how this _wonderful_ day turned out.

"Yes, well, never get _Tony_ angry." Tony puffed up his chest, and tried sizing up to Chad, who was looking really pissed right now. "Never." Chad opened his mouth to reply, but I slapped him on the thigh. He gave me a 'what-was-that-for' look, and I glared at him, and pointed to the chair.

He reluctantly sat down after I gave him another glare. Tony and Peeves worked on me and Chad's hair for a few more minutes, and then waited for it to dry. The whole time we were waiting, Chad lectured me about not being responsible, grateful…blah blah. All of that junk. I got so sick of hearing his voice, I told him I needed to go to the washroom again.

"Of course you do. And then after that, you'll find another hair salon, make me wait for another fifteen minutes, and just make my life hell, won't you, Sonny?" he spat; his irritating sarcasm practically screaming at me. I rolled my eyes, and went up to Peeves.

I put on my biggest smile, and spoke so sweetly, it was sickening. "Chad would like to dye his hair red."

Peeves stopped writing long enough to give me a blank stare. "I beg your pardon?"

"He would like to dye his hair red," I repeated, with the same smile on my face. "He says he's bored with his usual golden locks, and wants something more…daring."

Peeves continued looking at me strangely, and then looked at Chad. "I-I…it doesn't seem like something he would do. He didn't even want to be here…"

"Yes, well, he had a change of heart."

She bit her lip and glanced at me curiously. "Alright…if that's what he wants." She moved towards the cabinets and took out the red dye.

"Yes, it is," I said firmly, suppressing the laughter that threatened to escape my throat.

Peeves started walking towards Chad, but I stopped her. "Er," I added, "He's not exactly sure yet if he wants it permanently, so can you just do a temporary dye?"

"Yes, that's what this is," she said, pointing to the bottle in her hands, "This will last for about a week."

"Okay. Thank you!" I skipped to Chad and gave him a big smile. "They're going to dye your hair again-to highlight and bring out those awesome golden strands of yours."

He gave me a suspicious look but didn't say anything.

- -

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!" Well, I guess he didn't like the colour I chose for him. I bit my lip to keep from laughing as I saw his ridiculous expression, and his new hairstyle.

"_WHAT_ did you do to my hair??!!!" he shrieked, his voice rising up several notches higher than his normal voice.

Peeves cringed, and stared at me for help. I shrugged and blinked innocently. "I thought I heard him say 'red dye'," I whispered to her. But Chad heard what I said, and he whipped around; his eyes blazing with fire.

"SONNYY!!!!!!!" He clenched his fists, and his face was even redder than before. "Y-YOU-YOU….ARRGHHH!!!!!!!!!!"

"I'm _so_ sorry, Chad…_sweetie…_" I said, not feeling sorry at all, "I thought you've always wanted a more daring hairstyle. Red _is _your colour. Besides, I think it matches your red face perfectly well."

He glared at me, and breathed it and out, trying to control his temper. Then he smiled mischievously-slowly and wickedly. "Alright…_dear_…you're right."

"I am?"

"She is?" Peeves' eyes widened with relief, but only for a second. She then saw that look in Chad's eyes, and decided to just back away.

"Yes. Red _is_ my colour. But you know what _your _colour is?" He said, picking up one of the brushes and moving towards me in a predator-like gaze. "Purple." And with that, he swiped the paintbrush down my tangled brown mess I call my hair, and then made a big swirl on the top of my head.

I was too shocked to actually do anything, so I just sat there frozen. My eyes flickered quickly to the bottle, and sighed internally with relief to see it was a temporary dye as well.

Chad smiled triumphantly, paid Tony, and then marched out of the salon, beckoning me to follow. "Let's go, sunshine."

I smiled apologetically at Tony and Peeves, and followed Chad out of the car, trying to ignore the weird stares we got from people on the streets.

"Wait! Wait!" Peeves waved something from inside the store, and I was about to go back and find out what she was talking about, but Chad pulled me towards him and wouldn't let me go.

"I'm not replaying that again, Sonny," he said, smiling a bit-the anger in his eyes not as strong now, and only a hint of amusement showing.

I didn't resist his hand, because it was the first contact we had since this morning's fight. I looked back to see Peeves holding an earring, and realized I had dropped one. Oh well. At least I have Chad's hand.

- -

"Look, pal. I am _allergic_ to eggs. And I know for a fact there are eggs here-even without tasting them. I need you to re cook this, and bring me a meal with no eggs." Chad was glaring at the chef of the restaurant, for a change, instead of me. We were at a secluded area of a _different_ restaurant now.

I got hungry along the way, and he decided we might as well eat dinner here, and that way, we'd have no more pit stops along the way home (We hope).

But Chad had some egg allergies, and our food had to be re cooked, or "America's greatest actor of our generation will die, and that would be a _tragedy_". I rolled my eyes at that thought.

We waited for a few more minutes, and my plate finally came. I dug in, and was finished in less than two minutes, while Chad's belly was still grumbling. He pouted, and tapped his fingers impatiently on the table. "How long does it take to cook an egg?" he mumbled.

"I don't know…" I'm not liking the look of this…

"I'm going to see what's taking so long," he announced, getting up from his seat and stalking towards the kitchen. Boy, do the chefs have it bad.

A minute later, I followed Chad into the kitchen to help keep the peace, since I knew it was going to get ugly.

"Just _cook_ the meal with _no_ eggs," Chad was saying, gritting his teeth. "What the hell is so hard about that?"

"I am sorry!" the chef was saying, looking absolutely terrified of Chad. "It needs to be delicate, and beautiful, and perfect-like a cloud on…"

"I don't care about delicacy!" Chad snapped. "I want my dang meal! Do you _know_ what I've been through? My date was ruined, my car broke down today, I got sprayed by squirrel pee by a dang squirrel-" That would explain the smell, "-my shirt got caught in the hood of my car and it ripped, my girlfriend betrayed me and painted my hair red-"

"Okay, okay!" the chef interrupted. "I get it. You had a bad day…I'm sorry. But I have to make this meal perfect or else-"

"Give me my food, or so be it, I will eat _you_ instead." Chad's eyes narrowed into pinpricks, and his tone held a dangerous note to it. I stifled a giggle, knowing that this was an act. It was how he got what he wanted for so many years. Acting like a spoiled brat has its perks…but I didn't think he really needed to act much…

The chef gulped and quavered. "I-I…t-that is…c-ca-annibalism…" His voice squeaked at the end, which made me bite my lip.

"You don't think I know that?' Chad lowered his voice threateningly. "Step away from the stove. Let me cook my own meal."

The chef didn't hesitate one second to step away from Chad. Chad smiled triumphantly at me, and reached to turn the knob off, but touched the stove instead. The pan that was cooking on the stove flew up, and some of the food contents sprayed all over his face. Including the onions. He yelled in pain, and I could see his fingers throbbing red, and tears running down his face. I quickly grabbed some ice from the counter, and accidentally spilled a pink smoothie all over him. "Oops!"

He glared at me-or whatever he did with onion stench in his eyes-but didn't say anything, because he was in too much pain. I placed the ice on his hand and it sort of sizzled. He relaxed a bit, and then groaned as he tried blinking away the onion stench. I grabbed a wet cloth and put it over his eyes, and led him to a chair.

He sat still for a few minutes, then threw the cloth away, and dragged me out of the kitchen and the restaurant.

"Why me?" he whined, as we walked to his car.

I opened my mouth to respond, but a flash and click stopped me from doing anything else. Before we knew it, we were frozen on the spot.

"Run!" Chad cried, as he pulled my hand. We ran together as best as we could-away from the paparazzi and screaming fans. My feet burned as I started to regret throwing away my flats.

"In here!" Chad ducked behind a tree, and we crouched down and waited until everyone passed by us.

I sighed in relief, and collapsed on the grass; completely exhausted.

I breathed in and out, but couldn't take the smell any longer. "Chad…do you smell…"

My eyes widened even before I saw that wretched creature come towards us.


	4. PART FOUR

_A/N: To Charley. If only you could actually meet Sterling…

* * *

_

"**The Dating Rules"**

-PART FOUR-

"Ahhhww!! Gross!" Chad cried out, as I screamed in disgust. We jumped out from behind the tree and started running as far as we could from the wretched skunk.

"Great!" I said, raising my arms in defeat. "Now I smell just like you."

He gave me a mock-laugh and then rolled his eyes. "You smell the same as you usually do."

"Heh-heh…funny…" I said, making a face at him. He stuck out his tongue and made the same face back. We just kept making faces for a while until we heard a giggle from behind us.

Turning around, we saw two girls squealing and laughing. One of them looked older than the other girl. They looked to be sisters or something. The younger one squeezed her friend's hand. "Charley! Take a picture, quick! This is _so_ cool! We're actually seeing them in _person_!"

"Renny!" Charley scolded with a faint trace of British accent. "You do realize they can hear us, right?"

The girl, Renny, ignored the comment and started bouncing on her shoes in pure and utter excitement. Charley walked up to us, dragging Renny with her, and showing us a camera.

"Do you mind if we take a picture with you guys?" she asked.

I could see Chad about to protest, but I stopped him and stepped forward. "Er…we don't really look…picture worthy right now."

"You don't think I can't see that?" Charley asked; a smile playing on her lips. "We really don't care. This is for our homework anyways."

"Homework? For school?" Chad asked.

Charley snickered. "No. We do extra homework for fun. Yes, for school! What else?" Chad gave her a look of appraisal for standing up to him like that. "So….can we take the picture? It will go under 'The ten weirdest things you'll see in life-by Charley Fletcher'."

"Is that an actual homework or are you just making it up?" I asked.

"I don't know," she answered, "It's made up, but who knows if it might be a real homework someday."

"I just want a picture," Renny added, smiling so widely, it makes my teeth hurt just by looking at her.

So we ended up taking the picture-or pictures-and Charley and Renny thanked us. But just after they left, we heard the sounds of screaming fans coming towards us, and groaned. Chad pulled me into the nearest subway station underground, and quickly tried to find someplace to hide.

The fans were gaining on us, so Chad pulled open the first door he saw, and stepped inside. He shut the door, and we collapsed onto the small closet in exhaustion.

We waited for a while, and I think Chad was irritated. He wasn't talking at all. Finally, I couldn't bear the silence any longer. "Chad?"

"Yes?"

"I…" I sighed. "I'm sorry."

He didn't say anything for a while, and I thought he didn't forgive me. "For what? Your body odour?" I could hear the smile in his voice, and I blindly slapped him.

"Shut up. You smell worse than I do."

"Yeah, but this isn't my _usual_ smell," he said, chuckling a bit.

"Are you implying I smell bad?"

"No."

"Good, because-"

"I'm actually saying you do." I reached over to slap him again, but I think he dodged my hand, because all I felt was air.

"Well fine then. You smell bad too." Then I added, "And you're ugly."

Chad did a mock-gasp, and then grumbled, "Fine."

"Fine."

"Good."

"Good."

"Fine."

"_Fine_."

There was a moment of silence after that, before the both of us burst out laughing. We started laughing so hysterically, my stomach was actually in pain for three days after that.

We finally stop laughing, and I sighed in contentment. After a few seconds, I felt Chad's hands wrapped around mine, and I inhaled his squirrel pee scent. It didn't seem as bad as the skunk smell I had.

"I'm sorry," he said, "For getting so angry at you. I wanted this date to be perfect."

"It was," I said, "At least we'll definitely remember our first date now." He chuckled, and planted a small kiss on my forehead. "And, I'm sorry for ripping your pants. And not taking this whole date and first kiss thing more seriously. I should've realized how much it meant to you."

"It's alright." He paused, and then added, "You know, there's still the goodnight kiss. Every date should have one."

I laughed. "Is that in the rules too?"

"Yeah."

"Don't you ever make your own rules?"

"Like what?"

I tilted my head up to his, and tried my best to kiss him in the dark. It didn't turn out so bad though, since I didn't really miss his lips, and he kissed me right back. "Like the closet kiss," I said after we broke apart, "Every date should have one."

He laughed and kissed me again.

And so now we're back to the beginning of the story. Now, you may be asking what the point was for this whole story. The point is, sometimes, we expect so much on something that is so big. But sometimes, it's the little things that turn out to be better than what we expected. And sometimes…it's the big _mistakes_ that just make our life worthwhile.

The lesson is, we should just go with the flow in life. So really, all that "Dating Rules" crap is just plain STUPID.

- -

----THE END----

(Er…don't mention what I said up there to Chad, please? Thanks.)

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_A/N: Happy birthday, Charles. Hope you enjoyed this story. God bless, and love you forever. _

_From, _

_Your twiiinn 3_


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